Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
