Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
