I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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