R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
