i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize