"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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