I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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