i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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