You can't motorboat a personality
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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