I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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