i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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