Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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