your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
pray to the hookup gods
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
