Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
