Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
