Pappa wants mamma naked
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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