Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
