It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
