Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
