he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
