he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
