the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
