What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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