Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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