But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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