Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
