Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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