i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
