Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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