the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
