dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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