Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
