I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
