She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
