yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
