I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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