I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
