just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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