does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
