So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I will pee on everything he values.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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