maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
