so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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