woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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