I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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