he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
