I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
