she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
