It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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