Don't you send me to vm
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
