you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
