Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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