You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize