They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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