I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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