so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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