Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
