so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
