the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
