got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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