Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
