I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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