i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
