i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize