I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want to make out with him forever
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
