Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i drank out of a bidet.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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