Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
