I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
