first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dude. I can hear the air.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize