I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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